my calvert apex story (sorta kinda)

I felt like going to the movies today after work, but I'm already tired by noon, so I figure I won't go to Annapolis because fuck it, I'm tired and I just want some dumb entertainment to kickstart my weekend.

The A-Team is playing at the Calvert Apex, I think to myself - and then say out loud so someone, feeling sorry for me, feels the need to interact with me. And when they being to ask about my weekend plans I cut them off and scream, "None of your fucking business, Holly! Why don't you go back to your loveless marriage?" Okay, that's not true. But I think I might have to start doing just that. Aaaaanywho;

Even though it's lousy, the Calvert Apex is ideal. It won't be crowded and it's a mere two minute ride from the house.  So I google the "Calvert Apex," because it's been many years since they've had a listing on Imdb or Moviefone. For whatever reason, they just don't supply their showtimes to those sites. So I google the shit, but I clink on the Yahoo! Movies link instead. It's a mistake, because there are no showtimes listed (if I was remotely intelligent I would have made that conclusion before wasting my own time).

But oh, the little gem I found. The page had reviews, and this was the most recent:

I LOVE CALVERT COUNTY, but i drive to Bowie or Annapolis to go to movies because it is dirty, they NEVER NEVER NEVER have box-office hit movies w/african americans, 
like TYLER PERRY only movies shown with african americans are those that star Will Smith, Denzel so get it together, get with the program, upgrade

So lets break this down.

 I LOVE CALVERT COUNTY

I love it as well. But more for the open air, mild climate and good people. Not so much for the racism, though. That's sort of...not the best part.

but i drive to Bowie or Annapolis to go to movies because it is dirty,

Agreed. The Calvert theatre is pretty filthy.

they NEVER NEVER NEVER have box-office hit movies w/african americans,

I don't know what that has to do with being dir---ohhhhhhhh. Yeah. I suppose if you're an unapologetic racist you shouldn't go to theatres that black folks frequent - wait! Didn't you say go to Bowie instead?!

like TYLER PERRY 

Okay, okay. Fine. I hate Tyler Perry. But not because he's black. It's because he sucks, and because he's become rich despite his outrageous flaunting of his own suckiness.

only movies shown with african americans are those that star Will Smith, Denzel so get it together, get with the program, upgrade

Is he telling the Calvert theatre to upgrade? Or Denzel Washington and Will Smith? I'm confused.

Also, do you think when this fella says "get with the program, upgrade" he's talking about drinking from separate water fountains? Cuz I don't think that could be considered an upgrade.

So anyway, I didn't make it to the movies. Maybe tomorrow. Or Wednesday. Or whenever. Whatever.