my bucket list

Ever have one of those days where every regret you've ever had seems to come by? Just to punch you in the dick? It's been one of those days. Days like these I look forward to kicking the bucket  - what with me having fucked up so badly in the past few years. So in honor of my eventual demise I present my bucket list - which I wrote, to myself (in google mail) when maybe I should have been working? Meh. Screw it.

my bucket list:

a plastic beach toy bucket

a cement bucket

a drywall bucket

a dywall bucket that i use to store my car washing accessories

just a plain old bucket

a bucket painted like the american flag

a brand new, shiny metal bucket with no dents in it

a metal bucket with dents in it (so the brand new bucket doesn't get too full of himself)

a tiny bucket made for baby squirrels to use

a leaky bucket

a bucket shaped like the stanley cup (but not the stanley cup. that's too big)

things that are buckets (but you don't really think of them as buckets because your mind lives in a box...which is something that is similar to a bucket, but with a lid. and hair and brains):

a swimming pool

an asteroid crater

the letter "u"

the letter "w" (it is a double bucket if you think about it)

a hole you dug in the ground to keep your victims (a dead people bucket!)

a carved out pumpkin

a toilet

my calvert apex story (sorta kinda)

I felt like going to the movies today after work, but I'm already tired by noon, so I figure I won't go to Annapolis because fuck it, I'm tired and I just want some dumb entertainment to kickstart my weekend.

The A-Team is playing at the Calvert Apex, I think to myself - and then say out loud so someone, feeling sorry for me, feels the need to interact with me. And when they being to ask about my weekend plans I cut them off and scream, "None of your fucking business, Holly! Why don't you go back to your loveless marriage?" Okay, that's not true. But I think I might have to start doing just that. Aaaaanywho;

Even though it's lousy, the Calvert Apex is ideal. It won't be crowded and it's a mere two minute ride from the house.  So I google the "Calvert Apex," because it's been many years since they've had a listing on Imdb or Moviefone. For whatever reason, they just don't supply their showtimes to those sites. So I google the shit, but I clink on the Yahoo! Movies link instead. It's a mistake, because there are no showtimes listed (if I was remotely intelligent I would have made that conclusion before wasting my own time).

But oh, the little gem I found. The page had reviews, and this was the most recent:

I LOVE CALVERT COUNTY, but i drive to Bowie or Annapolis to go to movies because it is dirty, they NEVER NEVER NEVER have box-office hit movies w/african americans, 
like TYLER PERRY only movies shown with african americans are those that star Will Smith, Denzel so get it together, get with the program, upgrade

So lets break this down.

 I LOVE CALVERT COUNTY

I love it as well. But more for the open air, mild climate and good people. Not so much for the racism, though. That's sort of...not the best part.

but i drive to Bowie or Annapolis to go to movies because it is dirty,

Agreed. The Calvert theatre is pretty filthy.

they NEVER NEVER NEVER have box-office hit movies w/african americans,

I don't know what that has to do with being dir---ohhhhhhhh. Yeah. I suppose if you're an unapologetic racist you shouldn't go to theatres that black folks frequent - wait! Didn't you say go to Bowie instead?!

like TYLER PERRY 

Okay, okay. Fine. I hate Tyler Perry. But not because he's black. It's because he sucks, and because he's become rich despite his outrageous flaunting of his own suckiness.

only movies shown with african americans are those that star Will Smith, Denzel so get it together, get with the program, upgrade

Is he telling the Calvert theatre to upgrade? Or Denzel Washington and Will Smith? I'm confused.

Also, do you think when this fella says "get with the program, upgrade" he's talking about drinking from separate water fountains? Cuz I don't think that could be considered an upgrade.

So anyway, I didn't make it to the movies. Maybe tomorrow. Or Wednesday. Or whenever. Whatever.

so long, mr griffey

Ken Griffey Jr. retired earlier this week. This makes me sad. It makes a lot of other baseball fans sad too, almost certainly for the same reasons.  Because while guys Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmiero, Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds cheated their way into headlines and record books, Griffey kept it real.

I maintain that Griffey was still an excellent player in the past ten years, albeit a different one. He had to adapt as he aged, no longer having the same power he had at the height of his career (mid to late 90s, I'd say). He was injured often, missing a shit-ton of games. And ya know why? Because he wasn't jacked up on HGH or Creatin or any of that junk. You know what that's called? It's called class, kids. 

Barry Bonds is the current all-time home run leader - and it's likely Alex Rodriguez is going to crush Bonds' record - but we all know Barry Bonds is a cheater. And we already know A-Rod had used steroids at different points in his career.  Griffey didn't. But he's still at #5 all-time in home runs. I'm pretty sure he's in the top ten for hits and RBIs as well (but I'm too lazy to look). He'll be a first-ballot Hall of Famer, and no one will have any questions about his purity as a player. No one will ask for an asterisk next to his name or numbers, no one will question his contribution to the sport.

And that's what makes Griffey such a big deal, right? When folks write or talk about his career, there will be no digression about steroids, about cheating. It's all gonna be, Remember Ken Griffey Jr.? Damn, he was amazing...

And he was associated with the best frigging baseball game ever....EVER.