ONE-SIDED CONVERSATIONS. EPISODE ONE.

ONE-SIDED CONVERSATIONS.


EPISODE 1: THE MISCEGENATION OF CARBONATION.

No.


No, f*** that! Dude, f***ing -- you don't understand!


Look: this isn't up for discussion.  I'm not talking about whether it's right or wrong...


It's about --


No, no. Let me talk for a second - it's about rights and it's about --


Dude, listen: Read Paine's Rights of Man; it says everything I'm saying, just more poetically....


I know. I know you've got Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. I'm just saying that it's not right to integrate the two.


What?! How is that ignorant?  How's --


You just take the two and you mix them!


No, it's not the same.


I understand. I do, truly. But when you pack two elements in a bottle against their will it always ends in disaster....


....sure, Mello Yello. But that's the exception to the rule.


SPRITE!? Ugh, f*** Sprite. Sprite is awful.


I'm simply saying that to make a good drink like that you have to - okay, take Sierra Mist. The Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. The only way that drink is going to be good is if you fill half the cup with Sierra Mist and the other half with a natural cranberry drink.


It's the only way. Otherwise you're not gonna get the best tasting cranberry Sierra Mist.


Whatever, dude.


Oh, awesome! Yeah I could totally go for a Coke Vanilla!


Thanks, Granny!

this is stupid. super stupid.

What follows is just some random crap that amuses me. These are pictures I took with my cell phone.

Don't try to say this doesn't make you giggle!

Is the orange cone blocking off the trash cans? Or are the trash cans blocking off the orange cone? Mind: Blown.

It's only funny if you watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. So obviously this cracks me up.

People think I'm crazy because I think this A/C unit looks like a friendly robot with a face.

My favorite kind of shower.

Who would need practice slipping and/or falling? It's nonsensical!

i am your arsonist

I AM YOUR ARSONIST is the name of Jason, Lauren and Chris' band.

Check out their Faceplace fan page.

They are awesome. As my tweet on the night of their first show stated, Breaking news: I Am Your Arsonist rocked so hard that my pants ripped at the crotch.

Anywho, here's the flier for that show. Save it. Cherish it. Caress it. Maybe even finger it. Y'know, just a lil bit.

I don't know who designed it, but they did an excellent job.

What I don't understand is why I Am Your Arsonist nixed my design for a poster promoting their second show...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Fartsonist! Get it? Such clever wordplay should be outlawed.

my bucket list

Ever have one of those days where every regret you've ever had seems to come by? Just to punch you in the dick? It's been one of those days. Days like these I look forward to kicking the bucket  - what with me having fucked up so badly in the past few years. So in honor of my eventual demise I present my bucket list - which I wrote, to myself (in google mail) when maybe I should have been working? Meh. Screw it.

my bucket list:

a plastic beach toy bucket

a cement bucket

a drywall bucket

a dywall bucket that i use to store my car washing accessories

just a plain old bucket

a bucket painted like the american flag

a brand new, shiny metal bucket with no dents in it

a metal bucket with dents in it (so the brand new bucket doesn't get too full of himself)

a tiny bucket made for baby squirrels to use

a leaky bucket

a bucket shaped like the stanley cup (but not the stanley cup. that's too big)

things that are buckets (but you don't really think of them as buckets because your mind lives in a box...which is something that is similar to a bucket, but with a lid. and hair and brains):

a swimming pool

an asteroid crater

the letter "u"

the letter "w" (it is a double bucket if you think about it)

a hole you dug in the ground to keep your victims (a dead people bucket!)

a carved out pumpkin

a toilet