the war on terror...and other things that are funny

Two items: 

1) I love Amie. If you have a problem with that, you might want to a) deal or b) deal.

2) One of my final projects for a technology class this semester is a power point presentation on the War On Terror. According to the rubric I need a catchy title. Now, set aside the fact that a professor has assigned a blanket "catchy title" requirement for presentations for social issues  -- approved topics include: domestic violence, the Iraq War, nuclear disarmament, home forclosures and illegal immigration. 

Or, as I'd title them (respectively): "I Fell Down the Stairs:Domestic Violence As It Relates to Transportation to the Second Floor," "Mission Accomplished: Did You See Dubya In That Air Force Suit? Totally Fuckable!," "Get Your Uranium Out of My Peanut Butter Or I'll Improvise Some Sort of Explosive Device and Detonate It in a Neighboring Country," "Thw Wealthy ARe Fucking Perfect, Right?" and, finally, "Honey, Did We Pay That Mexican To Pull Up Our Rose Garden, or Should I Call The Cops?"

Bottom line: A "catchy" title requirement is elementary school horseshit; sometimes "catchy" doesn't quite cut it for...oh, you know, a serious issue. So....Anyone have ideas for "catchy" titles? Here's what I have so far:

--He chose...poorly: George W. Bush and the Last Crusade

--"We're gonna kick their sorry asses all over the desert!!"

-- Mother Fucker! This is a War On -- Wait, What?! They're in Afghanistan?! Oh, fuck!

--Clusterfuck: United States and the Middle East

-- The War on Terror: 2001 to meh...whenever...

-- Hey...'Member When We Thought Russia Was a Problem?!

--Oopsies Poopsies: The Al-Qaeda Story

-- (D-List Celebrity) Says You Guy Done Fucked Up..Whaddya Gotta Say 'Bout That, HM!?

--Bin Laden?! More like Been Hidin'!

--I Only Killed the Dog Because I Thought You Said War On Terriers!

And finally...

--What Dumbass Thinks You Can Fit Such a Complicated Fucking Social Issue Into Nine Slides? No One Except Reneee Jenkins, That's Who!! 

No, seriously. I already have a title. So I just wasted your time.

Yay, me!

3) I love you, Amie.

I like blogging about you when you're sleeping five feet away.

the dark place...ain't no fun

Did I ever thank you for staying up until 4am with me after I cut my thumb? Did I ever tell you how much that meant to me? Probably not. I'm thinking back to that night and I remember looking across the room at you. I wondered, She must really love me to be here right now. I thought, This must be a joke. I cut my finger so bad I'm hallucinating - I'm envisioning this lovely girl named Amie here, but it's all just a hallucination - and when I come out of it I'll have that long, lonely drive to think about the rest of my lonely life.

Now I'm thinking maybe this has all been a hoax. Because right now I feel like the long drive home is coming. And I'll be alone. I guess I never did anything to get so lucky, so maybe it makes sense that it's all been one wild hallucination. I think: When I say "I love you, Amie" and I hear "I love you, Nick" - is that all a dream? Or am I really that blessed?

I know this isn't exactly the blog you had in mind, but this is what I'm thinking.

This is my brain at work at 3:30am on a Sunday. This is why I go to bed so early...

The dark place - it ain't no fun.

But at least I've got Amie.

I just googled Dolph Lundgren

So I'm bored. So bored, in fact, that I just googled Dolph Lundgren out of the blue.

Who is Dolph Lundgren, you ask? He is only the greatest actor to have ever lived. Dolph has more acting ability in the tip of his dick than Jimmy Stewart and Orson Welles combined!  That's a lot of acting ability in the tip of his dick, I tells ya!

Dolph Lundgren has appeared in four of the American Film Institute's Ten Greatest Movies of All-Time List. Check it:

#10 To Kill A Mocking bird 

# 9 Schindler's List 

# 8. Rocky IV - I never thought a Pinko with a flattop and man teets could be so sexy. I was wrong.

.

#7 Casablanca 

#6 Universal Soldier - I never thought a Pinko with a laser eye could be so sexy. I was wrong.

# 5 Psycho

#4 The Punisher - I never thought a Pinko in leather chaps could be so sexy. I was wrong.

#3 Masters of the Universe - I never thought they could fuck up the supreme awesomeness that is He-Man. I was wrong.

#2 The Godfather

#1 Citizen Kane

The other six on that list are pretty lame movies if you ask me. I'm a real man so I only like movies with explosions, swords, boxing, laser eyes and half-naked muscle hunks.

oh wait

Gee, I sure am glad Tom Cruise adopted a German accent for Valkyrie. You know, since he plays a German it's important for him to affect a German accent. So it's good he has a nice German accent in his new movie.

Oh wait.