Amie and I were watching The Family Man today and there was a scene where Nicholas Cage's character, Jack, takes his wife out to dinner. There's a bit of dialogue concerning an $800 bottle of champagne.
Um.....Ahem?
I'm not gonna get into the whole five-bucks-for-a-bottle-of-Guinness-at-Chart-House story because I'm still in the doghouse for missing a family picture at the end of the night. However....
Listen, kids. I don't care how something is made. I don't care where it comes from or how long a bunch of grape juice sits in your cellar, unless you shit it out in $100 bills, don't spend too much money on it. I'm certainly no expert on the finer points of living a hoighty-toighty lifestyle, but to try to tell me a such-and-such hundred dollar bottle of wine gets you more fucked up or tastes better than a $20 bottle of Captain Morgan 100 Proof Spiced Rum - try to tell me that and I'll hire a midget to punch you in the nose.
Yeah...how's it feel to get punched in the nose by a midget? Not good, right?
Now I'm sure $800 is top of the line, but please!! And look: don't go on mumbling wellyou know,thebluhbluhandfermentingofthebluhandofcoursetheresthebluh because you're full of two things: shit, and yourself!
Where's my fucking Jameson?
By the way, ya wine dummies, stop buying the wine and not drinking it! There are poor Chinese children in sweat shops run by Wal-Mart that need that wine to get through their eighteen hour days, you selfish pricks!
1 comment:
thebluhbluhandfermentingofthebluhandofcoursetheresthebluh because you're full of two things: shit, and yourself!
AMEN. this is the best funniest shit i've read in a while.
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