well, hello!

I would just like to say....

I am in love with Amie.

And that is all.

here lies the underdog

You know I'm in love when...

Amie has ruined my love for the underdog!! I'm rooting for the Boston Red Sox right now. And that's because of Amie.

By nature I root for the underdog (see: 2001 Diamondbacks, 2002 Angels, 2003 Marlins, 2004 Red Sox, 2007 Rockies.) I don't hate a team once they've won a championship, but I certainly stop rooting for them as they can't be an underdog.

Alas, I have found myself rooting for the Red Sox, even after they've won two World Series championships (both in sweeps, I might add)!! Not that I don't like the Red Sox. In fact, even though they're exhibiting the makings of a "dynasty," I really like them. They are not a bought team (hello, Mr. Steinbrenner!); the success they've had is due to great management and teamwork -- I love Varitek, Pedroia, Youklis, Ortiz, Beckett, Crisp, Paplebon and company as individuals and think the Red Sox from about 2000-present have...psh! To hell with heaping praise and back to how Amie has killed...

...my love for the underdog.

Oh, well. I'll take Amie over the underdog. For sure. Any day. 

Next blog: The Nothing is Something which actually turns out to be a Wolf Man...or is it a werewolf? Who knows! But at least it's something...or is it nothing? Or worse! Is it The Nothing. Only something will tell....

JCVD = supreme awesomeness to the mega max

This flick could be...totally...fucking...awesome.

(Well...maybe.)



Film Drunk has another trailer here.

Oh! And this is hilarious. I used to not like Andy Samberg. Now I do. You can all congratulate me for being so open-minded by sending me envelopes stuffed with money.

best weekend ever

This past weekend was the best ever. And things are only going to get better.

That is all.

i love it

I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it.

I just love it.

don't be so effing corny

When I said "I'm pretty sure I think I'm falling in love with you," it was a bit of a fib. Fact is, I knew I was in love when Andre the Giant said, "Anybody want a peanut..."

...and you laughed hysterically.

That's when I knew. Sorry it took me a few more days to actually say it.

I love you, Amie.

god hates fags (unless your name is kirk cameron, of course))

I find the following clip so delightfully moist with homosexual innuendo. I absolutely love how two guys who make such a fuss about gays being evil look so amazingly gay in this clip. Kirk Cameron and his Aussie friend never cease to amaze me with their clever ways of proving God's existence.

Proof of God Via a Banana - video powered by Metacafe

Hey! You know a good way to prove the existence of god? Find a cure for cancer.

Douchebags.

28 Years Later...

I forgot to post this when I found it a couple weeks ago on Crooks and Liars.

Fitting, hm?

where the fuck am i gonna find a fascist now?

A Poet's Lament Or: Where the Fuck am I Gonna Find a Fascist Now?

It's been months since Rudy Giuliani dropped his bid to become next president of the United States...

Oh, Mr. Giuliani!

Who will arrest those filth peddlers?

Who will attempt to shut down publicly funded artistic institutions?

Who will kick the homeless off the streets?

Who will abuse authority?

Who will take credit for shit he had nothing do to with?

Who will profile African-American and Hispanic populations?

Who will let the rich get rich while the poor get to dying?

Oh Rudy! Who will the rich, white people turn to now?

Oh yeah! John McCain. 

Who knew the shit was gonna hit the fan? 

Even when he was saying shit like this.

Who is showing little by little he won't hesitate to abuse power.

Who will lie like Pinocchio's life depended on it.

Who will let the rich get richer while the poor get fucked.

It's a Christmas miracle for the Rich, White Man! Thank you, Jesus...you miserable prick.

(I used ThinkProgress links because they provide a number of other links and videos in their articles.)

Here's the trailer for Giuliani Time (available at Netflix). 

last exit to nowhere

Film School Rejects posted a story today about Last Exit To Nowhere, a clothing company that makes t-shirts with logos of places, corporations and companies from classic movies. Needless to say, I could drop an entire paycheck on this site.

Check 'em out! Last Exit To Nowhere!

My personal faves:

OCP - The authoritarian law enforcment corporation from Robocop.

Hill Valley High -- Marty McFly's school in Back To The Future (duh!)

The Winchester - the pub from Shaun of the Dead

Kevin Smith is still my hero...

First, the red-band Zack and Miri Make a Porno trailer...



And now, this clip from Comic-Con...

break it in! break it off!

I bought a new mattress and box spring thingy. Now which one of you sluts is gonna help me break it in? And by break it in I mean use it as a trampoline...

Wait! What did you say? A SEX trampoline!?

You people need to get your minds out of the gutter.

the potato genocide of 1981

Here it is! Credits and my usual long-windedness (windedness?!) below the video...

The Potato Genocide of 1981: An Educational Video

by: Andy, Jason, Lauren and Nick. Lauren did most of the camera stuff and made Nick's writing sound decent, delivering the line "See you in hell ya ignorant c-suckers!" with tremendous gusto! Jason was the explosives expert, fucked a Mr. Potato Head like a champ and wore a funny hat. Andy did most of the smoking, had a hot wiener thrown at his face and got sexually assaulted but didn't complain. Nick dyed underwear pink and overcooked the hot dogs on purpose.

This started out as a mockery of boring History Channel docs, but I realized the stuff we did just fucking around was more amusing, at least to me. The only parts of this video that were intended to be in the original video were Lauren's parts. Everything else? Outtakes.

Unfortunately, the editing software I use is Pinnacle Studio, a lousy program when it comes to rendering video. It's pretty decent as far as editing goes, at least as far as the cheap stuff goes, but it has trouble rendering the actual video to MPEG or DVD. IT never seems to create a video without having problems. God forbid you try to get fancy with the audio - and by fancy I mean drop out the background music in one freaking spot! Therefore, the sound goes way outta sync in parts. Meh. Whaddya gonna do?

A few things:

1) Even though I look fan-fucking-tastic in pink tighty whities, I need to lose weight. Well, lose weight or give my stomach a nickname along the lines of Mr. Heart Disease or Captain Clog Von Arteries.

2) I need a Mac! I need Final Cut Pro! I need to find me a rich widow willing to spend her money on me. Any takers?

3) The bit where Andy's just sorta standing around and then coughs, I originally wanted to drop the music so you could hear the following exchange

Me: Andrew, come here and give me a hug.
Andy: NO! You're sweaty and hairy!

4) The song is "Checklist" by Big D and the Kids Table. I'm sure it's obvious that the song has actual meaning, whereas our little video does not. Whatevs, cuz...how much ass does that song kick?

5) I like how adding your video to YouTube automatically makes your videos look a little more shitty.

6) Andy and I only smoke for laughs (we look so lame trying to be cool smokers) and as you can clearly see, we made Jason laugh.

So Joe Biden is Barack Obama's VP pick. Meh. Meh? Meh. You all know my pick is and always will be Dennis Kucinich, but that's besides the point.

Look. Here's the thing: Barack Obama and Joe Biden won't put a stop to all the problems this country has, but at least we'd be making a shift in the right direction. I abhor this two-party system, this red state/blue state bullshit that's tearing the country apart, this...but what we need are people that will begin to undo the damage of the Bush Administration, and I'm hoping an Obama/Biden White House can provide the atmosphere needed for people like Kucinch, Chris Dodd, Keith Ellison, Ron Paul, Bernie Sanders, Henry Waxman, Charlie Rangel and other progressive folks to make some change.

I hope. This comment makes me somewhat hopeful.

sometimes i just don't know

Question: So, a man sits down to pee and that makes him a sissy. That same man stands up to take a shit. This means he's the biggest, baddest man that ever lived, correct?

Correct! Congratulations to me for figuring this out. Now we can rest easy.

In other - less important? - news, the Potato Genocide of 1981 movie is now going to be a music video that has very little to do with potatoes and absolutely nothing to do with genocide. It's basically gonna be two minutes of us making fools of ourselves.

Still, it's great.