Mubarek, Mushmarek

I did not pick up on this until today. There were a few headlines on Yahoo! today describing Hosni Mubarek as an "embattled" President.

Embattled President? No. No...NO!

Mubarek is a dictator. And the people of Egypt have had enough. Good for them. I hope they stay in the streets. I hope they flip over more cars and burn more s***. Those who are brave enough to stand up to their tyrannic dictator deserve our respect and support. If this keeps up, there will likely be massive bloodshed. Hopefully it won't come to that, but if you can cite a true revolution that didn't require a physical, bloody (and I'm talking Under Siege-type bloody) I'd be surprised. But anywho....

It's amazing to me that a country founded on a violent revolution is so ambivalent to the troubles of a nation in a similar state of resistance to oppression. I remember two weeks ago, there was quite a bit of hostility toward the protesters. The general consensus was,  Whaazahh huh?! B-b-b-ut Egypt is my friend! 
 Uh, derrrrrp. And yet, we still show a bit of deference to Mubarek.

Why? He's a prick. But he's a prick who's allowed the covert US agencies to torture suspects for the last gabillion years. That's why.

SIDE NOTE: I was going to write a much more substantial blog, but in trying to find a quote from the incredible Chalmers Johnson concerning "extraordinary renditions," I found out that Johnson passed away late last year. Now I'm f***ing really sad, because Chalmers Johnson was just...awesome. I've always jokingly referred to him as the poor man's Noam Chomsky, because he was not as well-known to the general public. Whatever.

This sucks.

An article by Mr. Johnson. From 2007.

SUPER 8 > BLACK EYED PEAS

During the Superbowl my Dad and I kept switching over to watch Holmes on Homes. Because we don't watch the Superbowl for the commercials, damn it! We watch it to see grown men hug each other very tightly until they both succumb to passion, faint, and fall to the ground in a loving, sweaty heap of man-flesh.

That's how football works, right?

So this is the one decent movie trailer I saw. And, because I'm a JJ Abrams groupie, I have to say I'm psyched for this flick. Aliens and Steven Spielberg producing? With JJ Abrams at the helm it's gonna be like Close Encounters of the Third Kind...but if the aliens in Close Encounters were drunk and belligerent.

PS: We watched an entire episode of Holmes Inspection during halftime. During a commercial break I told my dad to switch back. "Halftime's gotta be over," I said. It wasn't. At that point I realized that by the time I'm fifty, the Superbowl halftime show will likely last over an hour. Awful.

ONE-SIDED CONVERSATIONS. EPISODE ONE.

ONE-SIDED CONVERSATIONS.


EPISODE 1: THE MISCEGENATION OF CARBONATION.

No.


No, f*** that! Dude, f***ing -- you don't understand!


Look: this isn't up for discussion.  I'm not talking about whether it's right or wrong...


It's about --


No, no. Let me talk for a second - it's about rights and it's about --


Dude, listen: Read Paine's Rights of Man; it says everything I'm saying, just more poetically....


I know. I know you've got Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. I'm just saying that it's not right to integrate the two.


What?! How is that ignorant?  How's --


You just take the two and you mix them!


No, it's not the same.


I understand. I do, truly. But when you pack two elements in a bottle against their will it always ends in disaster....


....sure, Mello Yello. But that's the exception to the rule.


SPRITE!? Ugh, f*** Sprite. Sprite is awful.


I'm simply saying that to make a good drink like that you have to - okay, take Sierra Mist. The Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. The only way that drink is going to be good is if you fill half the cup with Sierra Mist and the other half with a natural cranberry drink.


It's the only way. Otherwise you're not gonna get the best tasting cranberry Sierra Mist.


Whatever, dude.


Oh, awesome! Yeah I could totally go for a Coke Vanilla!


Thanks, Granny!

Super Mario Bros. On a Sidewalk. Awesome.

A fella named Andreas Heikaus created this as a senior thesis. I get a little bit envious when I see such tremendous films, but then my little heart gets wamred when I realize I've just seen something so friggin awesome.


Super Mario Bros. from Andreas Heikaus on Vimeo.

Also please to be checking out this article listing the 20 Coolest Super Mario Bros Design Remakes. All of the entries are pretty cool.

on my knees, beggin

Baby, I'm sorry. Look, just listen.

When I left - when I left you for Tumblr it was a mistake. I wasn't thinking my heart. No baby, that was my dicknballs talkin --

So anyway. I like me some Tumblr, but that place is only good for posting pictures and crap like this. So now I'm back here. Yay!

deader than dead.

Moving to Tumblr.

You're dead to me, eBlogger.

http://ncolevas.tumblr.com

tha semenz is tha demonz

A few days ago this lil' ditty popped up on Yahoo! news:

Exorcists wanted: apply to Catholic Church:

The church has signed up 56 bishops and 66 priests for the two-day workshop that began on Friday, seeking to boost the small group of just five or six American exorcists that the church currently has on its books.

My first thought was, How many exorcisms are there a year? I didn't bother to do the research because I had more important things to do...like making Catholic kid fucking jokes.

(...don't all Catholic priests know how to exorcise demons....from little boys' dicks? hardeharhar!)

I know it's easy to point to the kid fucking as a reason to condemn the Catholic Church, but for me this whole "we need more exorcists!" crap takes the sodomite cake. I'm not bothering to do the research on exorcisms throughout the United States, but how many new exorcists could you possibly need?

I can only assume there's a big fat goose egg for the U.S. on the 'ol Exorcism Chart at the Vatican....

Besides, you can always get the kid fuckers to do 'em. It's not like you moved them to another parish or anything, right?

I DID IT! I finally took that damn church down a peg!

Tha semenz is tha demonz!

this is stupid. super stupid.

What follows is just some random crap that amuses me. These are pictures I took with my cell phone.

Don't try to say this doesn't make you giggle!

Is the orange cone blocking off the trash cans? Or are the trash cans blocking off the orange cone? Mind: Blown.

It's only funny if you watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. So obviously this cracks me up.

People think I'm crazy because I think this A/C unit looks like a friendly robot with a face.

My favorite kind of shower.

Who would need practice slipping and/or falling? It's nonsensical!

one day as a lion?

...and which one is the lion?

I love how the one picture taken of myself and Eamonn taken in the last year has me - unshaven, squinting and pale! - and him crying....No, really! I love it. My mom took this picture and - as any great photographer - captured a true moment. That moment?  Eamonn crying because his mommy was leaving...to grab some snacks. I cannot count the times I've carried the kid when he's been crying, and I'm glad I can't. 

I don't want this kid to grow up....

i am your arsonist

I AM YOUR ARSONIST is the name of Jason, Lauren and Chris' band.

Check out their Faceplace fan page.

They are awesome. As my tweet on the night of their first show stated, Breaking news: I Am Your Arsonist rocked so hard that my pants ripped at the crotch.

Anywho, here's the flier for that show. Save it. Cherish it. Caress it. Maybe even finger it. Y'know, just a lil bit.

I don't know who designed it, but they did an excellent job.

What I don't understand is why I Am Your Arsonist nixed my design for a poster promoting their second show...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Fartsonist! Get it? Such clever wordplay should be outlawed.

Logorama

Lord knows why I never shared this, but better late then never, right?

This is Logorama. It won the 2010 Academy Award for Best Animated Short.

I can't get the embedded video to work, so here's a link.

I stole this Logorama still  from this site.

I have no time for commentary, as I feel the need to get new tires.

yup.

I think I've watched this clip two dozen times since it was first put up on Funny or Die, and it still cracks me up.

Commence giggling:

"Craigslist Penis Photographer" featuring Bob Odenkirk from Bob Odenkirk

death by basketball

Remember that movie Deadly Friend? I do.




That, my friends, is called cinematic excellence.

the greatest thing in the history of ever

Watch this. It's from Intervention. That show is depressing as s*** (and this episode was exceptionally sad), but I'll be damned if this clip doesn't make my dark little heart flutter.



And then there's this guy. You can bet yer arse that this guy is gonna DJ my wedding. As soon as Volushka arrives in the mail. (She's very pretty.)



Finally, the "worst wedding DJ ever." I think this makes him the best, right? I mean...yeah. The best.

 

So anyway,  some fellas slapped together all this stuff (along with a panda sneezing) and came up with the greatest thing in the history of ever.



And if you don't know the story about the kid from the end, then you need to get with the program. 

Eamonn: A Supernatural Marshmallow Monster Exposed!!

Bear with me, please. I have a point.

(I promise.)

Ladies and gentlemen, a scene from the 1984 blockbuster, Ghostbusters (with some help from Imdb, although I think my artistic flourishes demand - demand, I say! - Oscar nominations!):

Something, something, something, Gozer asks the Ghostbusters to choose their Destructor... 

Gozer: 

The Choice is made...the Traveller has come!

Dr. Peter Venkman: 

Nobody choosed anything! 

 (to Egon) 

 Did you choose anything? 

Dr. Egon Spengler

No. 

Dr. Peter Venkman:

 (to Winston) Did you? 

Winston Zeddemore: 

My mind is totally blank. 

Dr. Peter Venkman: 

I didn't choose anything... 

A long pause. Then, finally, a collective realization. Venkman, Spengler and Zeddemore all look to Stantz.

Dr Ray Stantz: 

(stunned, yet amazed)

I couldn't help it. It just popped in there. 

Dr. Peter Venkman: 

What? What just popped in there?

Dr Ray Stantz: 

I - I - I tried to think... 

Dr. Egon Spengler: 

LOOK! 

The Ghostbusters look over the edge of the building. Wide eyed, horrified.

Dr Ray Stantz: 

No! It can't be!

Dr. Peter Venkman: 

What is it? 

Dr Ray Stantz: 

IT CAN'T BE!

Dr. Peter Venkman: 

What...did you do, Ray? 

Winston Zeddemore: 

Oh, shit! 

Stumbling through the city: an enormous, white, monster. Only one Ghostbuster recognizes this monster immediately. As a matter of simple fact,

Dr Ray Stantz: 

It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. 

-------------------------

AHEM!

Has anyone else noticed that Mister Eamonn bears a striking resemblance to a certain, sorta-kinda,  puffed marshmallow-like monster?

No?

Well, I have. Take a peek, ya clueless bastards!

Oh, no? He doesn't? Yeah...I know, that's understandable. After all, Eamonn is only a

 TODDLER,  CORRECT!?!?!?!?!

I'm sorry. No, really!...I'm sorry. Look...a massive font and bold print was the only way I could get my point acr-- no...please don't leave! PLEASE!  It's important! It's....

....our lives depend on it! Oh...my...GOD!!! 

NNNNOOOOOO!! EXCLAMATION POINTS!!! MORE 

BOLD TYPING!!!!

  

My sincere apologies. I thought we were under attack, but Eamonn was just trying to give us all a --

OOOOGGHGHHGHGHNNNNNOOOOOO

HE'SEATINGTHECAT!!!

.......signal.............

.......terminated.........

.......yejerks!...........

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.......PS.................

.......he.ate.the.cat.....

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