the dark place...ain't no fun

Did I ever thank you for staying up until 4am with me after I cut my thumb? Did I ever tell you how much that meant to me? Probably not. I'm thinking back to that night and I remember looking across the room at you. I wondered, She must really love me to be here right now. I thought, This must be a joke. I cut my finger so bad I'm hallucinating - I'm envisioning this lovely girl named Amie here, but it's all just a hallucination - and when I come out of it I'll have that long, lonely drive to think about the rest of my lonely life.

Now I'm thinking maybe this has all been a hoax. Because right now I feel like the long drive home is coming. And I'll be alone. I guess I never did anything to get so lucky, so maybe it makes sense that it's all been one wild hallucination. I think: When I say "I love you, Amie" and I hear "I love you, Nick" - is that all a dream? Or am I really that blessed?

I know this isn't exactly the blog you had in mind, but this is what I'm thinking.

This is my brain at work at 3:30am on a Sunday. This is why I go to bed so early...

The dark place - it ain't no fun.

But at least I've got Amie.

I just googled Dolph Lundgren

So I'm bored. So bored, in fact, that I just googled Dolph Lundgren out of the blue.

Who is Dolph Lundgren, you ask? He is only the greatest actor to have ever lived. Dolph has more acting ability in the tip of his dick than Jimmy Stewart and Orson Welles combined!  That's a lot of acting ability in the tip of his dick, I tells ya!

Dolph Lundgren has appeared in four of the American Film Institute's Ten Greatest Movies of All-Time List. Check it:

#10 To Kill A Mocking bird 

# 9 Schindler's List 

# 8. Rocky IV - I never thought a Pinko with a flattop and man teets could be so sexy. I was wrong.

.

#7 Casablanca 

#6 Universal Soldier - I never thought a Pinko with a laser eye could be so sexy. I was wrong.

# 5 Psycho

#4 The Punisher - I never thought a Pinko in leather chaps could be so sexy. I was wrong.

#3 Masters of the Universe - I never thought they could fuck up the supreme awesomeness that is He-Man. I was wrong.

#2 The Godfather

#1 Citizen Kane

The other six on that list are pretty lame movies if you ask me. I'm a real man so I only like movies with explosions, swords, boxing, laser eyes and half-naked muscle hunks.

oh wait

Gee, I sure am glad Tom Cruise adopted a German accent for Valkyrie. You know, since he plays a German it's important for him to affect a German accent. So it's good he has a nice German accent in his new movie.

Oh wait.

a penchant for talking about absolutely nothing

My blog promised me it would behave itself and not act all sappy and romantic today, so lets hope it keeps it's -- ah, shit! Who am I kidding?! It's not my blog's fault. Shame on me for trying to pin the blame on a series of HTML thingamajiggies! Shame on me! I promised myself I wouldn't be all sappy and romantic today. So here goes:

Um...is it weird to have dreams where you fuck cartoons? Because I've had no less than fifty dreams about fucking Homer Simpson in the last month.....

That's right! That's almost two Homer-fucking dreams a night for the last month.

I mean, that's like...that's normal, right? Dreaming about fucking cartoons? That's - that's - that's - um....

*AHEM*

P.S. Yes, I am fully aware of my penchant for promising to post blogs I never post. But you know what else I have a penchant for? I have a penchant for using the word penchant when I could really go without using penchant. But you know, when you have a penchant for something why not flaunt that penchant when said penchant can get you tons of penchant - more penchant than a penchant expert could get you in one year of penchant hunting using a penchant hunting machine that is specifically designed to track rogue penchant with the ferocity of a rabid penchant who lost his penchant when he/she was just a small penchant....

Huh?

P.P.S. Yes. I am fully aware that my postscript is almost as long as the original blog. Eat it.

*AHEM*

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a short story to write.

well, hello!

I would just like to say....

I am in love with Amie.

And that is all.

here lies the underdog

You know I'm in love when...

Amie has ruined my love for the underdog!! I'm rooting for the Boston Red Sox right now. And that's because of Amie.

By nature I root for the underdog (see: 2001 Diamondbacks, 2002 Angels, 2003 Marlins, 2004 Red Sox, 2007 Rockies.) I don't hate a team once they've won a championship, but I certainly stop rooting for them as they can't be an underdog.

Alas, I have found myself rooting for the Red Sox, even after they've won two World Series championships (both in sweeps, I might add)!! Not that I don't like the Red Sox. In fact, even though they're exhibiting the makings of a "dynasty," I really like them. They are not a bought team (hello, Mr. Steinbrenner!); the success they've had is due to great management and teamwork -- I love Varitek, Pedroia, Youklis, Ortiz, Beckett, Crisp, Paplebon and company as individuals and think the Red Sox from about 2000-present have...psh! To hell with heaping praise and back to how Amie has killed...

...my love for the underdog.

Oh, well. I'll take Amie over the underdog. For sure. Any day. 

Next blog: The Nothing is Something which actually turns out to be a Wolf Man...or is it a werewolf? Who knows! But at least it's something...or is it nothing? Or worse! Is it The Nothing. Only something will tell....

JCVD = supreme awesomeness to the mega max

This flick could be...totally...fucking...awesome.

(Well...maybe.)



Film Drunk has another trailer here.

Oh! And this is hilarious. I used to not like Andy Samberg. Now I do. You can all congratulate me for being so open-minded by sending me envelopes stuffed with money.

best weekend ever

This past weekend was the best ever. And things are only going to get better.

That is all.

i love it

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I just love it.

don't be so effing corny

When I said "I'm pretty sure I think I'm falling in love with you," it was a bit of a fib. Fact is, I knew I was in love when Andre the Giant said, "Anybody want a peanut..."

...and you laughed hysterically.

That's when I knew. Sorry it took me a few more days to actually say it.

I love you, Amie.

god hates fags (unless your name is kirk cameron, of course))

I find the following clip so delightfully moist with homosexual innuendo. I absolutely love how two guys who make such a fuss about gays being evil look so amazingly gay in this clip. Kirk Cameron and his Aussie friend never cease to amaze me with their clever ways of proving God's existence.

Proof of God Via a Banana - video powered by Metacafe

Hey! You know a good way to prove the existence of god? Find a cure for cancer.

Douchebags.

28 Years Later...

I forgot to post this when I found it a couple weeks ago on Crooks and Liars.

Fitting, hm?

where the fuck am i gonna find a fascist now?

A Poet's Lament Or: Where the Fuck am I Gonna Find a Fascist Now?

It's been months since Rudy Giuliani dropped his bid to become next president of the United States...

Oh, Mr. Giuliani!

Who will arrest those filth peddlers?

Who will attempt to shut down publicly funded artistic institutions?

Who will kick the homeless off the streets?

Who will abuse authority?

Who will take credit for shit he had nothing do to with?

Who will profile African-American and Hispanic populations?

Who will let the rich get rich while the poor get to dying?

Oh Rudy! Who will the rich, white people turn to now?

Oh yeah! John McCain. 

Who knew the shit was gonna hit the fan? 

Even when he was saying shit like this.

Who is showing little by little he won't hesitate to abuse power.

Who will lie like Pinocchio's life depended on it.

Who will let the rich get richer while the poor get fucked.

It's a Christmas miracle for the Rich, White Man! Thank you, Jesus...you miserable prick.

(I used ThinkProgress links because they provide a number of other links and videos in their articles.)

Here's the trailer for Giuliani Time (available at Netflix). 

last exit to nowhere

Film School Rejects posted a story today about Last Exit To Nowhere, a clothing company that makes t-shirts with logos of places, corporations and companies from classic movies. Needless to say, I could drop an entire paycheck on this site.

Check 'em out! Last Exit To Nowhere!

My personal faves:

OCP - The authoritarian law enforcment corporation from Robocop.

Hill Valley High -- Marty McFly's school in Back To The Future (duh!)

The Winchester - the pub from Shaun of the Dead

Kevin Smith is still my hero...

First, the red-band Zack and Miri Make a Porno trailer...



And now, this clip from Comic-Con...